October 22, 2016
Next Saturday I will be somewhere in Pennsylvania. I am taking a late flight out on Friday evening and on Saturday morning I get to finally meet my new love face to face when he picks me up at the airport.
We have talked about this moment a bit–neither of us is sure how we will react when we finally get to gaze into each other’s eyes… Are we going to cry? Laugh? Faint?! Just give each other a big hug? Any and all reactions are possible. We are both emotional people so no telling what we will do. I just know I am very ready to take this next step into my new life.
However with all new beginnings comes endings as well, and the hardest of these is good-bye.
I don’t do good-bye well. I never have. Whether it is a final good-bye to a loved one or beloved pet or just a “farewell–see you later” to a friend or family member who is moving away, I don’t handle it as well as I would like to think I should. I begin to think of all the memories I have shared with this person and I am saddened that that time is now over. New times will start but those old times are in the past and I can’t bring them back.
I am beginning to come to grips with the divorce. Today I am going to start emptying out the buffet the ex says he would like to keep. I have no emotional connection to it but its the first piece of furniture to go and the reality of our situation is sinking in. Soon there will come a day when I come home from work and I will sit and listen for his car to drive up into the driveway and suddenly realize he isn’t coming home any more. and I am not sure how I will feel about that. 30 years is a long time to be with someone and it doesn’t just go away over night. I suppose it doesn’t help that we are not getting divorced because we hate each other. We are still friends and truly have no animosity towards one another. So it hurts a bit and it makes me sad even as I look forward to a new life and new adventures.
When my youngest daughter left for college I cried. She was only an hour and a half away but it was still hard to drive away from her dorm that last time and realize I would not see her every day. Talking on the phone just doesn’t do it after a while. I would make up excuses to go see her whenever I could afford it. I’m sure she knew I was making excuses but she always was happy to see me!
So now I must go through a new good-bye. Good-bye to 30 years of memories. Many great memories, some not so great, but each one important to who I have become today. Only after I have put away the old can I truly embrace the new. I am looking forward to making new memories that are special and different.
How do you deal with good-bye? Do you cry? Smile through your tears? Pretend it doesn’t bother you? Look for the silver lining? I would be interested in your thoughts. Especially if you have gone through a divorce. Any tips for dealing with the emotions will be appreciated. Emotions I really didn’t think I would have but apparently I do… Mostly I’m sad I think to see it end. Not sad or regretting my choice. Just sad that a relationship I valued and cherished is changing and I am not sure if it will survive the change. But change can be good so will be trying to make sure its done right.
Off I go. Time to start making that change. Time to start saying good-bye.