My husband and I will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary this month. Somehow, even though the crazy, frenzied part of our romance has settled, something much deeper, and much stronger, has taken its place.
That’s not to say that spark isn’t still there. Just that I don’t pine for him every minute he’s gone—and thank goodness, or I’d never get anything done!—like I did in the beginning.
I love these definitions of romance by the Free Dictionary: a. A love affair. b. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love.
Something about “ardent emotional attachment” really speaks to me. In a lot of people’s minds—I think especially those who aren’t sure how to show their feelings—romance has come to mean cards, flowers, jewelry, and a nice dinner. While all of those things are great—and might show that the other person was thinking about you during the day—I don’t believe you can sustain a long-term relationship on gifts.
Why? Because ardent emotional attachment requires action. A necklace is not ardent. A love affair requires action. There’s no passion in a flower. Okay, maybe a card with nicely thought out sentiments, but still. Just like in writing where we’re constantly reminded to show the emotion, romance demands action.
The phone call from work just to say “hi”. The unexpected shoulder rub. The willingness to listen. A kiss on the back of the neck while making dinner…
Those actions say “love” far better than any card or box of candy ever could. And when the romance is there every day, then the rare occasions when I do get gifts are that much more special.
That’s my idea of romance. What about you?
Photo credit: LAY DOWN – GIRL UNDER © Frenk And Danielle Kaufmann | Dreamstime.com
Filed under: Gwen Hernandez Tagged: | romance
Ardent – that’s a great word to describe it, Gwen!
Congrats on your Anniversary – my hubby and I are celebrating 25 this year!!!
Ain’t love grand?
Thanks, Laura! Yes, it really is. I’m incredibly lucky.
#1 Congratulations.
#2 Thank you for reminding me about the word “ardent.” I’d forgotten how much I adore that word.
Thanks, Keri. I’m quite ardent about that word myself.
Call me cynical, but I am always suspicious of men who do lots of big romantic gestures like dozens of roses, always delivered to the office so all her friends can see. He’s the guy who’s setting a smoke screen while he’s screwing some bar floozy. But the co-worker whose husband comes and picks her up so they can have lunch together every day? He’s a keeper.
LOL, true, Kari.
Besides, I’d rather have the man than his flowers any day.
Happy anniversary!
Romance – in our house…my husband NEVER misses an occasion to buy me a card. Valentine’s Day. Christmas. Birthday. Everything. He never forgets. Me? er, not as good as he is at this!
I’m afraid I fall into the Kari Lynn world. I get suspicious of continuous overt PDA’s.
Many more years
Thanks, Cyndi. As I mentioned before, I *do* love the cards because I get such nice words. But if he gave them every week, they’d lose their significance.
Gotta say, I agree, Cyndi. Over PDA’s make me suspicious….
I love your idea of romance, Gwen. My husband travels a bunch, and often he just checks in because. To know I’m on his mind that much means something. Beautiful post. Happy Anniversary!
That’s awesome, Donnell. It’s nice to be loved. And, thanks!
Congratulations to you and your husband, Gwen!
We’ve grown up in a world of ever-increasing information, advertisement, and competition for the almighty dollar. I suspect very few people *really* believe that romance is dinner out, flowers, candy, and ugly jewelry. That’s just what florists, confectioners, and jewelers have been selling us for so long and so hard, that’s what it’s “known” to be.
And maybe some young people feel that way when they start out, but I think they come to learn what you described, Gwen—if they’re lucky, by experiencing it. If not, by being disappointed over and over until they get the real thing.
Thanks, Nat. You’re probably right. Most adults know the difference. But that doesn’t stop some guys from thinking presents will make up for a lack of presence.
Wise response, Natalie.
Perfectly put, Gwen! It means so much more to me when love is shown by a kind act or thoughtful expression. Today’s world has made it really hard for anyone to know the true meaning of love. Lots of great advice here. I’m so going to use it with my teenage girls in hopes they can avoid a lot of heart ache in their future.
Congratulations and Hope you have a Wonderful Anniversary!
Thanks, Melissa! Good luck with those girls. I’m working on my guys.
Congratulations to you and your hubby, Gwen. Seventeen years is claim to a solid foundation. My husband is a telephone junkie. He shows he cares by calling–often. It used to annoy me, but now I find it romantic because I realize how often he’s thinking of me.
Thanks, Pamela. I’m not big on the phone either, but I always welcome a call from my husband. It’s sweet that yours calls so much.
Happy Anniversary, Gwen.
I agree with you about the everyday things that just give your heart a little lift.
I love when my husband brings the dog to meet me at the subway at the end of the day. Never fails to make me smile.
Thanks, Mary! I love that your husband greets you with the dog. Very sweet.
Congratulations on your anniversary, Gwen. Great post on romance and real love. My wife and I are on our second journey through love/romance/marriage. We both discovered what these things were not before discovering what they really are in each other. Sometimes you just have to grow a little older and wiser before you understand certain things in life.
I’m lucky in that regard, as I’ve truly found the love of my life. And I don’t have to always send flowers or candy or any of that stuff to convince her of that. I think one of my favorite moments in life is when, after I tell her I love her, she gently touches my face, smiles, and says, “I know.” What a wonderful feeling.
That’s awesome, Dave. And incredibly sweet. I’m so happy for you!
Funny how sometimes it’s easier to decide what doesn’t work, than what does. And thanks!
Happy Anniverary Gwen, ours is in a month.
When you are in love everyting is romantic, like watching TV with my hubby is romantic…:)
Thanks, Mirella! It’s true. I love spending time together pretty much no matter what we’re doing. Happy anniversary to you to!