Up-Do VooDoo

I’m a reasonably intelligent person.  Give me some directions, and I can usually follow them.  Even better, since I’m very visual, show me how to do it, and I can usually follow.

But right now, I think I understand how Napoleon might have felt on the eve of Waterloo.

The RWA National conference is next week, and the awards night is a formal affair.  I want to wear my long hair up, and for weeks I’ve been watching YouTube videos of How to do Up-Dos.  They make it look so easy!  Make a ponytail, twist it a bit, stuff a couple of strategically placed hairpins in the correct place, and voila! A beautiful up-do!  I do the same thing and the results look like a place some squirrel has been hiding his nuts.

I’ve spent a small fortune on different types of  screw pins, bobby pins, hair pins, special rubber bands, hair spray, dry shampoo, barrettes, clips, combs, and even a French twist thingamajig.

Nothing works.

I braid.  I twist.  I curl.  I loop. I tease. I spray.

And still the squirrel returns.

I’m ready to pull my hair.  Oh wait … I’ve already done that!

Any words of advice from those of you blessed with hair-talent?  Any easy suggestions?