Top 10 reasons not to enter the lottery

Currently the country’s astir with people who won part of the Mega Million lottery last week. It was the topic of conversation, and I imagine co-workers of various companies pooled their resources to get in on the action as well. I didn’t buy a ticket. Not that I don’t need more money, you understand. Who doesn’t?

But as a romantic suspense writer, my mind goes to what ifs and always, always the worst case scenario. So here are a few things that “could” happen in my writer’s imagination if I won Mega Millions.

1) At first my husband and I would be elated. Then as the excitement wore off, the phone started ringing, the media began pounding down our door, investment bankers seeped out of the woodwork, and every relative I’d ever heard of –or not—we’d come to our senses and decide to go into hiding. With the kind of money at our disposal, we might even pay to go into WITSEC.

2) If WITSEC turned us down, we’d have no choice but to hire our own private security service.

3) The private security service naturally would employ a corrupt individual who leaked our whereabouts, and #1’s scenario would begin anew – ad nauseum.

4) My ALREADY ringing phone that begs for charitable contributions would quadruple and I would need to buy a burn phone to keep in contact with my mother.

5) My children, immediate family, charitable organizations I do care about would suddenly find themselves growing richer.

6) While out running, my husband would be kidnapped, and I would have to pay a king’s-size ransom to get him back.

7) I would, of course, cooperate with the FBI and at the same time, use my enormous fortune to hunt down the thugs who kidnapped my husband, save my beloved, and dispose of the kidnappers in some obscure lake or cement plant.

8) The kidnappers would turn out to be on the Top 10 Most Wanted List of the FBI, part of organized crime, and now instead of prison time, I agree to testify against them. The result? The FEDS want to put me in WITSEC.

9) WITSEC, where I should have been in the first place, contacts me and assigns me an incredibly hunky, handsome and romantic US Marshal that I can’t take my eyes off of.

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10) My husband divorces me after he learns I’ve had an affair with the US Marshal.

I hope I’ve made my point that the want for money is the root of all evil and cannot buy happiness. But while we’re on the subject of Mega Million Dollar Lotteries, can anyone tell me when is the next one?