This Transition Is Starting Too Early

baby3A few days ago, Sheri posted about new beginnings, and all the big things that are happening in people’s lives around her. I mentioned that I tend to see such things as transitions. And now my transition is stabbing me in the chest.

I’m not really a sentimental person. Once, we were going through a box of stuff my mom had sent me from my childhood, and I was chucking things left and right, and my husband was catching them in midair and staring at me, appalled, at some of my decisions.

My oldest is in college and about to turn 21. I haven’t seen her since Christmas. When I talk to her, I miss her, but it’s not like most parents. Life just rolls along, and then I realize a few weeks have gone by and should check in with more than just an IM asking if she got the package.

But tonight was my youngest’s penultimate spring orchestra concert. One of the graduating seniors played Devil Went Down to Georgia and was AMAZING. And I realized I’ll probably never see her play again. The full orchestra NAILED “How to Train Your Dragon.” It was incredible. And I found myself thinking about next year’s final number, and how hard that will be to watch, because it might be the last time I see her perform like that.

And ouch. I mean, that’s a year away! I don’t need to be thinking of such things NOW. *scowls*

I mentioned to my husband that we’ve watched her make more “big” incremental changes lately than any time since she was a toddler. She got her driver’s license, and everything changed. Not in measurable ways, but those smaller ways that are more felt than seen. And I’m loving every minute of it. But tonight brought home that we’re about to start a series of “lasts” and it might be harder for me to take than I thought it would be.

My reputation as the one with the hard heart is in jeopardy!