The Mom Van Drives Again

Writing Moms and Moms Who Write make big plans ’round about the end of July. Those of us who are anal-retentive list/chart/hyperlinked-Evernote-file makers schedule our impending freedom change in routine down to the Nth detail.

This is how it was supposed to look last Thursday, the first day of school:

5:45A: Ideal Keri–The Brilliant, Motivated Novelist, awakens to the dawn chorus of birds, springs forth to her scale, whereupon she sees another pound is gone. Adorning herself with fashionable, thermogenic fitness gear, she adjourns to the back patio with her laptop and keys in 2,500 sexy, delightful words whilst her organized, considerate teen sons pack their backpacks and lunches.

7:30A: Ideal Keri (TBMN) drives her grateful sons to the high school, then runs 5 9-minute miles around the track (as, of course, she does every day). Meanwhile (Meanwhilst?), Romance Hero Husband gathers Sweetest Third-Grade-Boy-Evar! and whisks him off to school.

9:00A: I-Keri (TBMN) returns home, showers, eats a sensible, but delicious breakfast, adorns herself (because that is the only way to dress) with fashionable loungewear, effective moisturizer and lip gloss, and settles in for three (count ’em, THREE!) hours of incisive, thorough editing of sexy, delightful words (and the cutting of commas, parentheses and em-dashes, natch.)

Noon: IKTBMN Breaks for a lunch chock-full of fresh produce and bubbly water. Perhaps she even takes a teeny nap on the hammock in the shade.

1P: IKTBMN Spends a wee bit of focused, targeted, intentional time on social media interacting with the likes of you–the cream of the reading and writing crop!

3:15 The grateful sons arrive home for milk and home-baked cookies (don’t ask when on the schedule that baking was planned) and the sharing of warm family moments full of earnest communication and open affection. IKTBMN gets plenty of hugs.

And you know what? It coulda happened that way. It shoulda happened that way. I was up at 5:45. I wrote a few hundred words. I drove them boys to the school and then I went out to the track for the walking/stumble-joggery.

But then, the calls started coming…

“Mom, I have to stay after. Turns out there was a summer reading assignment and I have to take a test.”

“Mom, I forgot my lunch box. Can you bring it to school?”

“Mom, can you pick me up today? They cancelled cross-country practice.”

And I won’t even go into how it was pointed out to me by a kindly local law-enforcement officer that my tags were expired and I needed to get myself to the DMV forthwith, whilst the boys were still in school.

Sooner or later, it must happen: The universes of Ideal Keri (TBMN) and me will merge.

I think they call that “rapture.”