Starting Over…

Technically I should have written this yesterday but since I noticed that we had no one scheduled for today I decided I would make  up for being gone and post now…

I have a lot of stuff going on in my personal life lately and there are some major changes coming.

First and foremost is that I am getting divorced.

My husband has threatened to divorce me often over the past 28 years. Usually he was just blowing smoke and it was always after some big fight. I would usually cry and beg him not to go or tell him I was sorry whether I was or not so he would not leave. I loved him and was afraid to lose him.

But as time has gone by I have kind of gotten over all of that. This last time he yelled and ranted and screamed I stayed very calm–well I usually stay very calm because I’m not a ranter normally. And I told him fine. If that is what he wants then feel free to file but he could stop yelling at me now.  I think he was surprised and thought I  would argue back or ask him to stay or something.  And I did not.

I love my husband very much. I always have. But we are really just best friends. We have not been anything more than that for over 20 years. And because I believe in the vows I took when we married I decided that was how it was just going to be and I tried to be content with that. Except he doesn’t love me like I love him. He is fond of me and enjoys spending time with me when we go out and do things. But day-to-day living is more than he can take. I am very disorganized and messy and he is a neat freak. I bring every stray dog home to help and he would rather have just one dog, if any at all. I could go on, but you can see some of the difficulties.

The interesting part of this entire situation is that neither of us is angry. I don’t hate him and he does not hate me. I have no idea what we are going to do about the house. I think he wants to sell it and at first I was against it but really the energy bill here is so high that I would be hard-pressed to pay it and the mortgage and all my other expenses because I would be the one staying in it. So I think if he wants to sell my stipulation will be that he helps me purchase a small ranchette of about an acre or so for myself and my oldest daughter to live in. That way I can bring my horse and she can have her goat and get more goats if she wants and all the dogs will be able to go with us.

In my husband’s family divorce is a very amicable thing. His grandparents divorced and his grandpa use to come and hang out with  his grandpa and her new husband quite often. They even introduced him to his second wife! His mom and stepdad have been divorced 20 years and his mom still goes to eat every night with his step dad and now that he is older she takes him to all his doctor appointments etc. and takes care of him. She also helps his dad, who lives in another city a couple of hours away, with his doctor appointments and other things when he has a lot of paperwork and stuff to do.  Since this is what he has seen his entire life I am going to say ours will be much the same.

The truth is I am pretty much okay with all of it. I have always been very independent and often it grates on me to have to check in with someone when I want to go and do something or take a trip somewhere. I like to do things on my own and go places by myself.  Yes I love him but only as a friend–that won’t ever change.

So onward and upwards. I’m taking things one day at a time. I have a trip scheduled for this coming weekend that involves planes, trains, and automobiles. The place I’m going is a very small town in a state I have never visited. I’m not going to say more at this time–I am looking forward to it and will be bringing my laptop and I hope I will have time to write on my WIP while I’m there. My girls are taking me to a big country concert in August to hear some of my favorite artists. I am really looking forward to a girls night out with my favorite people!

Anyway. Off I go–I have a busy day today and need to get it started. Have a great rest of your weekend!