May 16, 2014
I’m lying in a hotel bed, bleary-eyed from dancing all night at the Samhain Publishing Saints and Sinner’s party.
I went as a saint, naturally. Except that in order to accessorize my white dancing dress, I walked across Canal Street here in New Orleans, Louisiana, to a cute little sex shop to buy myself a halo.
Instead I found a pair of lamb’s ears. I snatched them up, and then my friend and I looked through the back room of the shop to see what else was on offer.
I have to tell you, “marital aids” have changed. Once upon a time you knew what that was for, where it went and what to do with it. Nowadays?
“What’s that one? A booklight?” “It does light up. Maybe you clip it on to your kindle.”
She leans closer, reading the fine print. “Nope. Not your kindle.”
“What about that one?”
“That is clearly a candle holder.” I peer closer.
“Nope. Doesn’t hold a candle.”
“Is that made of glass?” We both step back from that one. I’m not highly coordinated at the best of times, and the thought of involving glass objects in my recreational activities leads me to think of vacuuming up said glass and boom! No more recreational activities.
We back away slowly, purchase my lamb’s ears and cross back into the hotel. As I’m dressing for the dance, I pull out my lamb’s ears and realize they have horns.
Because that’s what you get for purchasing lamb’s ears in a porn shop, people.