January 18, 2014
I never make New Year’s resolutions. I use to when I was younger, but I soon realized that I was incapable of keeping them so why bother?! I was a realist even then, but it wasn’t until I was much older that I realized that most of my problem isn’t the resolutions. It was my ADD that made it impossible for me to follow through on them. “This year I am going to do better on keeping my room… SQUIRREL!!!” Yeah. Pretty much.
I learned to compensate for it because back then ADD wasn’t a medical condition. We were just called lazy, or dreamers, or unmotivated. I was grounded for not doing my homework or keeping my room clean. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to–it was more that I was incapable of living by the same standards that my parents, and most of the rest of the world, lived by. The only thing that saved me was the fact that I was really smart and thrived under pressure. Term papers that my classmates slaved over for a couple of months were written the night before on an old Remington typewriter and handed in the next day–rough draft only, white-out and all–and I would still get an “A” because hey, let’s face it. I was good!
Since I hit 50, I have been finding that the coping mechanisms I used over the years to deal with my ADD just don’t seem to be working anymore and I decided to consult my doctor and see if he might be able to prescribe some chemical concoction that would finally help me overcome this life-long affliction. I went in to see him early last Monday and of course had to go through the weigh-in (never a highlight!) and the customary BP check. The last few times I have been in my BP was a little high and I always just waved it off as the fact that I had just gotten off work, but I had no excuse since all I had done was get up and dressed. It was 164/100 and my doctor put his foot down and put me on meds. Damn it! I hate taking pills on a good day–I was feeling pretty desperate to even ask for a prescription for the ADD–but then to find out I would be chained to a pill for the rest of my life?! So not what I was hoping for!
Of course, now I was paranoid. My mother had a stroke at the age of 53, at which time they also discovered that her blood sugar was 965 and she was a severe diabetic. Yes, you read that right–nine hundred and sixty-five. How she was even alive, let alone conscious, was a freaking miracle. Hypertension runs in my family on my mother’s side, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised when it finally became my turn, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it! And up till then I was feeling just fine. After all, what do I have to be stressed about? I mean, I only have a house full of people and dogs, with bills that usually equal my pay check with nothing left over. A job that I love but that drives me crazy most days. What do I have to worry about?! Obviously I had been fooling myself if my sky-rocketing blood pressure readings were any indication!
After three days of obsessively checking my blood pressure and not seeing any improvements whatsoever, I went back to the doctor, who said that the one pill wasn’t enough to regulate and lower my BP so he added ANOTHER pill to my regimen. Wonderful. As a transit bus operator, I cannot have high blood pressure and hope to pass my physical for my medical card. If I can’t pass my physical, I can’t hold my Class B license, and without my class B license I won’t have a job. So now not only am I concerned for my health, I am also concerned about my livelihood. Yeah–no stress whatsoever. Right. Who am I kidding?!! I AM STRESSED PEOPLE–STRESSED I SAY!!!
So this New Year I have decided to actually make some resolutions, or Revolutions as Melissa Ohnoutka chose to call her choices. Taking better care of myself and saying “no” seem to be areas I need to work on. A lot of my stress left this past weekend. The nephew and niece moved back in with their mom Monday–we brought all their stuff to the new place last Saturday and they were officially out Monday afternoon when they left school. My son moved out the weekend before last and got most of the rest of his things out of my house this past weekend also. He will still be over when he gets his daughter for visitations, but just having the extra stuff and people out of the house is a HUGE relief. Still have his cat, but it’s whatever. I will take the cat over the people any day!
This weekend the hubby and I are getting away for a Romantic Winter Weekend up at Lake Tahoe at the Camp Richardson Resort. Great package deal–$175 for 2 nights, $50 voucher for dinner at the Beacon House, four vouchers for breakfast. Practically free! Can’t wait! We are going to sit down with the complimentary bottle of champagne provided with our room, make mimosas, and talk about where we want to go from here. We aren’t getting younger. We have to stop letting everyone take advantage of us. We need to take care of ourselves and not be so available for everyone else. It’s not that we don’t love them all–but we have to start being a little more selfish with our time.
This week I told my eldest daughter we are going to go through the kitchen and start clearing out all the extra stuff–we have dishes and glassware for five families!! And I was looking at some great enamel/cast iron pots and I decided that I want to be able to invest in some. One at a time. Why have stuff I don’t like when I can buy what I want? It’s almost an epiphany! And I saw this cool electric steamer that can cook an entire meal. I want it. I’m going to give to myself and my husband and not give so much to my kids. It’s time for them to start getting on with their own lives and for their dad and I to get back to ours “BK”. Before Kids. I’m excited! As Jennifer Crusie and my fellow Cherries are wont to say “Nothing But Good Times Ahead!”!