March 28, 2013
Next week marks my husband’s and my 30th wedding anniversary. Sure doesn’t feel like we’ve spent 10,950 days together, but obviously the calendar doesn’t lie. Gwen Hernandez wrote a blog a few weeks back explaining that she and her husband were compatible from the start. I’d like to say that was the case of my DH and me, but the fact is we had a lot of growing up–and growing together–to do.
About four months into our marriage, the trouble started. Little things, nonsensical things. Les was 27, I was 25. We’d had a long distance relationship before we married, and both of us were set in our ways. We didn’t fight where the neighbors complained, mind you. But we both did our share of trying to change the other. When an argument escalated, Les handled the conflict by going off by himself. One day he left the house and was gone for hours. With no clue where he’d gone I wondered if we’d make it six months, much less a year.
That night when he walked through the door, I braced myself. Where did you go? I asked. His answer stunned me. Turned out he’d gone to see the priest who married us. (I should mention here, my husband isn’t Catholic). But that night the monsignor and my husband talked, and I can only surmise that he received a mega dose of newlywed counseling.
I don’t know what all they covered in that all-important session, but Les did admit the monsignor said, “Your wife can’t read your mind.” Something else I think they must’ve broached was the use of the “D” word, because from that day forward the word “divorce” disappeared from our vocabulary.
We grew up and together our first year of marriage. And the fact that he went for help made me love him all that much more. Sometimes when I think back on those days and the wonderful family we raised that almost wasn’t, I get pretty emotional.
Communication doesn’t stop the arguments, but it sure gets you through them.
Everybody needs a little romance, but to maintain a relationship everybody needs a whole lot of talking things over.