September 13, 2014
This has been a very rough week for me emotionally. My beloved special-needs pup, Tango, drowned in the pool Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and I have been just devastated over it ever since.
When my Hubby brought her home to me she didn’t even weigh a pound and was so tiny I couldn’t believe she was even a dog! She literally went everywhere with me because she was so fragile and needed constant care. As she got older, however, I let my guard down. I forgot she was still so young–she was only 18 weeks old when I lost her–because she got tall and seemed older because of it. I forgot she was still just a baby and needed me to teach her things.
One of the things I have done with every pup we have brought home was introduce them to the pool, because it never fails–at some point they are going to either fall in or get pushed in by one of the other dogs.
Tango had already fallen into the pool once before. My youngest daughter just happened to see her when it occurred and fished her out right away. I figured Tango would stay away from the pool after that. Usually it only takes one dunking for the dogs to figure out that stuff in the middle of the yard in the big cement hole is powerful wet and they don’t want to be in it! But because the pool is green and nasty (the pump broke and we have not been financially able to fix it) I never took her back out and taught her how to find the edge of the pool and where the steps are in case she fell in again. And because of that and my inattention to one small detail I lost my silly little pup.
I think that has been the hardest part for me to deal with. The fact that if I had just got up that night to see why she hadn’t come back in with Cash, her buddy who stuck by her like glue, I would have seen her in the pool and been able to rescue her. My excuse? I was tired and had taken a pain pill and an anti-anxiety pill so I could sleep–I had surgery on my hand on Monday and was feeling a little claustrophobic with the wrap on it–but that ounce of prevention would have saved me several pounds of pain and guilt.
Of course now I am completely paranoid when I let the other small dogs outside to do their business–even though they have all been going out just fine for a long time I now get anxious and go and check on them every few minutes. I mourn the loss of my big-eared, funny, quirky little girl and I know I will never be able to replace her. My husband says he thinks that she just wasn’t meant to be–that if he hadn’t rescued her when he did she would have died then so maybe we just postponed the inevitable for a little while. I know that we gave her a great life while she was with us and she was very, very loved and spoiled. I was blessed that I was able to bury her under a tree out on the ranch so she will always be close to me…
So what good came out of this experience you ask? Because I don’t believe we ever go through things, whether good or bad, without learning a life-lesson. A positive thing was that I finally had my son install a lock on the patio door leading to the back yard. My grand-daughter DriDri now sleeps in her own little toddler bed (why yes Nanny bought her a fire truck for her first bed!) and she is able to get up and let herself out of her room now all by herself. I would absolutely die if anything happened to her so the lock is now in place and we all sleep better for it.
I don’t take my little dogs for granted now. I make sure I hug and love on each one of them every day. I make sure I check on them when they are out. I have even checked into how much it would cost to either 1) fill in the pool or 2) tear it out since no one uses it and I’m tired of the expense and the liability of owning it. Neither option is very cheap so not sure what I am going to do at this point. But I have been pro-active!
I posted this on my Facebook page and I truly believe it:
“Sometimes the lack of one small thing changes your life forever. Maybe it’s something you did. Maybe it’s something you failed to do. Maybe it’s a combination of small things. Just remember every thing matters. Everything….”
I didn’t write this particle blog to gain sympathy. I didn’t write it so you all feel sorry for me, though I know you do–anyone who has fur babies in their lives know how painful it is to lose one. I wrote this so that maybe we can all become a little more aware of how that one thing we did or didn’t do can affect our lives. Either for good or bad. I was curious who here has done that–made one small decision, made one choice that didn’t seem that important at the time but it changed everything. Your career, a friendship, driving a different way home from work saved you from being in an accident–anything. Share…. This was Tango. Yep, she was my baby…