Dreams of Perfect
Today, I bake a birthday cake.
My oldest turns 14 this weekend, and, bless his heart, he wants a yellow box cake with tub frosting.
Mind you, I’ve attempted the homemade stuff. Perhaps this is why he wants the box and tub.
I have aspirations. I see vegetables carved into clever shapes and laid out on shiny white square plates to resemble faces and think, “I could do that. I should do that.” I watch Ms. Stewart craft topiaries out of twigs she harvested from the forest whilst wearing leather riding boots and a Hermes scarf and tell myself that I’m one pair or curved clippers (and a pair of boots and a scarf) away from a gracious centerpiece myself.
I even try using “whilst” and “gracious centerpiece” in conversation. For example, I say, “Dammit, Cat! Did you destroy my gracious centerpiece of mismatched socks whilst I was going pee?”
Not that I fold laundry on the dining table.
Not that I actually fold the laundry at all.
I have high standards.
Maybe someday I’ll live up to them.
Mar 15, 2013 @ 06:12:25
HAHAHAHA Oh yeah. Those damn tv personalities who make things look SO easy! I’ve watched Martha twist and tie twigs into elegant centerpieces for her table. When I try, it looks like a tree fell in my house.
My dad’s birthday is in the fall. My sister wanted to go buy some fancy cake from an expensive bakery..you know, it’s “the place EVERYBODY goes” to get their cakes. But my dad likes the white cake with butter cream icing from Sam’s! I almost had to wrestle her to the ground to make her get what HE wanted. And I’ll admit…My taste buds are simple…I LOVE those white cakes with butter cream icing!
I saw an ad last night for a new cake icing from cool whip…in the refrigerated or frozen section of the store. Might be good.
Mar 15, 2013 @ 06:17:46
Clearly, Cindy, I should by a tub of that stuff and try it out, myself. I wouldn’t want to expose my family to it until I’ve verified it’s quality. I do have standards, you know.
Mar 15, 2013 @ 06:42:57
Absolutely! I understand. The best way to verify quality is to open the lid, shove in a spoon, and continue to taste until either you’re satisfied OR the icing tub is empty.
Mar 15, 2013 @ 07:54:16
Oh Keri, I love this! You have a wonderful voice.
I gave up on all that crap at an early age. My mother (picture Jackie O, pillbox hat and all) was horrified at the heavy-boned raucous tomboy she ended up with.
And of course, I made sure that I accentuated our differences. I delighted in horrifying her at every turn.
I’d rather be out playing in the rain than inside playing with dead twigs – where’s the fun in that? Hermes? Wasn’t he a Greek God? Or was it Roman?
Mar 15, 2013 @ 15:25:05
Hermes was Greek. Ancient sign posts in Greece were “Herms”–stone pillars carved with penises in order to indicate the way. This is what you get with a degree as a Liberal Artist.
Mar 15, 2013 @ 09:02:16
Ha, love it, Keri! I too have grand aspirations without the will to follow through. I gave up on gourmet, designer, and crafts of all kinds years ago. If a box and tub get the job done, go for it. You can spend all that extra time not perfecting a from-scratch cake with your son. Happy birthday to him!
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Mar 15, 2013 @ 15:25:46
Actually, he just wants to use the time playing Minecraft.
Mar 15, 2013 @ 10:22:40
Keri-
My husband only wants box cake and tub icing too. Oh well.
You’re not alone in having grand visions that oft fall short. (See…I used grand and oft!)
Mar 15, 2013 @ 15:26:20
Beautifully crafted, Beth!
Mar 15, 2013 @ 10:27:36
Love it! And I’m so glad I’m not alone, Keri! I once made corn bread and used baking (soda) or powder — the one not called for anyway and it was flat as a pancake. I told my family, hey, it taste the same. Here’s to unfolded laundry! And happy birthday to your 14 year old.
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Mar 15, 2013 @ 15:27:22
What’s cornpone? Because that sounds totally poney to me!
Mar 15, 2013 @ 14:49:47
Keri,
I gave up on Martha Stewart the day I watched her make homemade marshmellows. I just kept asking myself why anyone would ever go to that much trouble for a marshmellow? And if she does, she
s got waaaaayyyyy too much time on her hand.
I’m a vanilla cake/vanilla buttercream gal myself. None of that cream cheese stuff for me:-(
Cake can come from a box, but buttercream’s easy to throw together if you have a mixer. Enjoy your son’s 14th. he’ll be human again in a couple of years.
Mar 15, 2013 @ 15:29:28
He specifically said, “None of that buttercream stuff.” I kid you not.
Mar 15, 2013 @ 15:30:53
Do you ever hang back and hope they won’t notice, and will lock you I. For the night? I mean, those huge bath sheets by the hot tub are NEW!
Mar 15, 2013 @ 22:19:35
Okay, I’m gonna confess. I’ve done the homemade marshmallow thing. TOTALLY worth it. Even the sugar strings all over my kitchen. Also, homemade angel food cake. Truly heavenly.
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Mar 15, 2013 @ 22:41:32
And I confess to being a wee bit jealous of the homemade marshmallows!
Mar 15, 2013 @ 15:16:13
It’s so funny that no one has confessed to being really good at home decorating and making gracious centerpieces whilst their from-a-scratch-cake-of-their-own-recipe bakes. Usually I’m the dissenter, but I’m so far on this bandwagon, I never even *tried* to do any of that stuff.
I do like how it looks/smells/tastes, though. Which is why it’s fun to tour the Parade of Homes that no one lives in.
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Mar 15, 2013 @ 15:32:10
Do you ever hang back and hope they won’t notice, and will lock you I. For the night? I mean, those huge bath sheets by the hot tub are NEW!
Mar 15, 2013 @ 22:16:22
Hey, you’re one up on me. I let my kid pick out his cake fully baked and decorated from the grocery store website.
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Mar 15, 2013 @ 22:42:42
He didn’t want that either! I got a very specific list of what little mister man did NOT want.