So last night I was sitting there reading, minding my own business, when my child came along and shoved a very stiff, very dead mouse under my nose and said, “Mommy, why is there blood in his butt?”
(May I just pause for a moment so you all can pat me on the back for not screaming? Thank you. Thank you very much.)
At this point the conversation paused for the amount of time it takes to snatch a dead mouse out of your child’s hand, march outside and fling it far, far into the bushes behind the house. Then I ordered the kid into the bathroom to wash the mouse germs off his hands WITH SOAP. And he said, “Why do mice have germs?” And I said, “Because they crawl around in dark, dirty places” and he said, “But why do they go there?” and I said “Because they like it” and he said, “But why do they like it?” and I said, “Hurry up and wash your hands so you can have some popcorn.”
But of course this is my child who is not to be distracted so as soon as his hands were washed and I persuaded him that no, he should not go outside with his magnifying glass and find the dead mouse and look at his germs, he immediately returned to where we started. “But Mommy, why did the mouse have blood in his butt?” “Because he’s dead.” “But why is he dead?” “Because he got smashed in the mouse trap.” “But if he’s dead, how is he going to get the blood out of his butt?” “He can’t. He’s dead.” “How can he get undead?” “He can’t. Once you’re dead you stay that way.”
“When you’re dead you stay dead forever?”
And around we went again. So yes dear husband, who tossed the damn mouse in the damn bushes to begin with, I took care of the talk about death. Go ahead and assume that conception is all yours.
On a related note–at least if you’re me and your mind makes odd connections not immediately apparent to the general public–all this talk of dead mice reminded me of Jenny Lawson (better known as The Bloggess) because her upcoming book has one on the cover. Except he’s better preserved than mine.
I don’t read a whole lot of non-fiction or autobiographies, but this is a book I will be snatching up on release day. I could try to explain why, but it’s easier to just tell you to read this: Posey, Move Away from the Light.
Now I’m off to explain to my husband why he has to demonstrate how a mouse trap works.
Kari Lynn Dell – Montana for Real